


Be With Me

by Reysagents



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Five Stages of Grief, Fix-It of Sorts, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt, Implied Poe Dameron/Finn, Minor Poe Dameron/Finn, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Sacrifice, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reysagents/pseuds/Reysagents
Summary: I'm trying to heal from The Rise of Skywalker. This is sort of a fix-it fic. It does not fix everything, but it is a canonverse fic that deals with the grief and sacrifice of the ending of TROS and what happens beyond the credits. I thought this might help bring some realistic but also healthy closure for some people. It helped me a lot to write this in a way where Rey's grief and Ben's sacrifice were both acknowledged in the way they needed to be.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey/Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Reylo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	1. For Her

Ben’s entire body ached. He felt like his chest was on fire and his bones were made of glass. His ribs were cracked, he knew for sure. It was like a fire had caught in his stomach and shot out through the rest of his body, but still he pressed on. 

For her. 

One foot at a time, out of the chasm. He groaned in agony and gritted his teeth before finally mustering up the last bit of strength he had to claw his way out of the dark hole. He could feel Rey through the Force, or rather the lack of her. There was a specific, incredible energy that had disappeared; vanished from existence. He feared the worst, and yet somehow hoped for the best despite it. He knew deep down that she was gone, maybe forever, but that didn’t stop him. He would not let it. His fingers bled as they desperately clung to the dark stone, his chest heaving with every breath.  
With the last bit of strength he had, Ben pulled himself out of the chasm and collapsed onto the ground. He raised his head up slowly, his body racking itself for breath, and saw her there. She was stark white against dark stone. Something burned inside of him- a glimmer of something he hadn’t felt for a long time. He begged his body to move, to chase that feeling. He stumbled to his feet as best he could and heaved a breath before crawling over to her. His weak and surely broken leg dragged behind him so he had no option but to crawl. He could barely move, but he carried on towards her. Nothing would keep him from her light, tears falling unforbidden at last down his face. He could feel her emptiness through the Force; the lack of light that once was. She was gone, and it was his fault. He had kept so much from her. Her parents, her lineage, her destiny. He should’ve told her a long time ago. He thought he had gotten it right. Who knew he was so wrong in the end? But what was the use now? All his life he had failed her, and now he had failed her again. He thought he’d done everything right.

But in the end, he had failed her.

Ben had failed everyone- his mother, his father, Snoke, Luke, and now Palpatine. He had caused a point of upset against every single side of every war that had ever been fought for good or for evil. He had failed everyone as he usually did, he just never thought he would see the day where he failed her. He couldn’t let her light be twisted by Palpatine. He would always fail his masters when it came to Rey, but those failures were ones he was proud of, to an extent. Maybe they were even deliberate. He’d never been able to kill her; perhaps he never intended to. He had her in his grasp only to have her snatched away from him the moment he thought she was tangible.   
Ben looked at Rey sprawled out lifeless on the ground. Something in his stomach twisted and threatened to come up. Her hair clung to her face slick with sweat, her skin bruised and tinted red with dried blood. Ben collapsed on top of her. She was cold to the touch. He was able to move his body just enough to where he was crouched down beside her on his knees. He grimaced as the pellets of cracked stone bore themselves into his skin. Ben grabbed her wrist, desperately feeling for a pulse he knew deep down wouldn’t be there. His fingers grazed over her chilled and pale skin and confirmed what he already knew to be true; there was no beat to be found beneath his fingertips, just an empty vessel. 

The flame that was once Rey had been put out.

He couldn’t take it. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. Ben grabbed Rey’s torso and heaved her up off the ground, shifting her in his arms. He moved enough to sit up, although not without groaning in agony. Rey’s body was limp in his arms and he tried to support her head with his hand. His palms came away wet with blood. Ben shifted to a position where he could better hold her up; tucking one leg under the other, letting the remaining one lie straight out. Her body was cradled in his arms. With one hand, he supported her back, with the other, he held the base of her neck up. He just wanted to look at her; to see her one more time.

The girl he’d heard so much about. 

Her eyes were dead and grey. A tear made its way down his cheek before he even knew it had fallen. He bit his lip to steady the quiver that had begun against his will. He could not bear to look her in the eyes. Those eyes that were once so full of light and hope were now marred by war and death, alongside dreams and movements and battles once thought to be alive now lost. He never could have imagined this ending, not in a million years. Everything they’d gone through together had been mirrored since before she was even born. Even at the young age of ten, Ben had felt her presence in the force, a feeling of warmth that pooled deep in his chest. He tried to push it down, but always remained. Rey had felt him as cool breezes in the hot desert. She’d seen him in dreams alongside lush islands and obsidian thrones. He had visions of her. Sometimes she was robed in black at his right hand, other times she was clothed in grey sitting on cliffs staring out into the sea. Every time he saw her the stores of warmth grew larger. He felt her deep in his soul. Rey was ingrained in Ben’s DNA, and Ben Rey’s. The galaxy had conspired at just the right moment to create them; a Dyad in the Force. They were received when they were needed the most; a reincarnation of every other Dyad to ever live or breathe resided in them; two halves of the same soul, he figured. She was his other half, the missing piece. Their souls had been searching for so long. They were tired. Yet something inside of him knew before he knew- if that was possible. Rey was the piece that was somehow missing and found at the same time. She had been the light in the darkness.

Had been.

Not anymore. Her body was lifeless in his arms and he couldn’t help but think of everything that had transpired between them over the last year. Amazing, wasn’t it, that he had only known Rey for a year, yet he felt like it had been an entire lifetime. He ardently wished it was. Perhaps it had been a thousand lifetimes, compiled into two bodies, desperately searching for the other across time and space. 

Perhaps, indeed.

Rey was the first person to believe that Ben was a good man; that he could change. She had been the focus of his mind since the moment she stepped into his life, relentlessly pushing him; fighting him out of pure anger at his refusal to see the truth- that he could always come home. Ultimately, he did it for her. Everything Ben did was for her. His heart ached in such a deep place he wasn’t sure he could pinpoint it. Something about her was so different. So good. Something he didn’t know he had until he didn’t anymore.   
She was a beacon of light pouring through his darkness- an ember that slowly grew into a flame. For all those years he was being manipulated by Snoke and Palpatine, there was always Something tugging at the back of his mind. An inkling of something more. A Something that was a world without loss and hate and darkness.  
He wanted to live in that world. He saw it whenever he closed his eyes. He saw it in her. A place where the land was green and lush where warm waves crashed gently on golden shores. A place where he wasn’t Kylo Ren or a Solo or a Skywalker. A place where he was just “Ben.” A place where he could be free of his pain, where maybe he wouldn’t be alone anymore. 

She had brought him that world- showed it to him raw and up close. 

She was always there, in that world.

Maybe it wasn’t really her all the time, but rather a symbol of her in visions and in dreams he’d had long before he even knew of her existence. The moment he saw her for the first time the Force swelled inside of him. Looking back, he didn’t approach it the right way. He wanted her to join him, to become darkness. That wasn’t what was supposed to happen. He wasn’t meant to be completely light or darkness, but neither was she. That was their struggle- the push and pull between either side when all their souls truly desired was to meet somewhere in the middle. He was meant to join her in the in-between. They were both broken beyond repair, and yet, they were both salvageable. 

Rey knew something about that. Ben had always wondered how she was able to get through to him so well; to hit him where it hurt but also where it healed. She was a scavenger at heart.

Her life’s work was to salvage broken things.

But now she was gone, lifeless in the arms of the man who had driven her there. He blamed himself for her death at that moment and would for every moment after. He knew in his head that Palpatine had killed her, that the Force had killed her. But in his heart, he felt it was him who had done it. If he wouldn’t have gotten involved, none of this would have happened. He should have let her kill him on the Death Star, but she had compassion for him. 

A compassion that he couldn’t control.

A compassion that burst through him in a spectacular display of light and splendor.

She was strong despite her faults and her tragedies. A piece of peace in his broken world. Ben saw himself in her; the person he could have been. 

The person he could still be.

Ben stared down at Rey, her face stained with tears and dried blood. He couldn’t believe it. He knew she was gone, but still, seeing her lifeless eyes was too much to handle. A breath got caught in his throat and developed into a sob before he would choke it back. He couldn’t stand to look at her, so he did the only thing he could do; he held her lifeless body flush with his. Ben held onto her like she was a lifeline. He buried his face in her shoulder and sobbed into her dirtied robes. His hand clutched at her back in a desperate attempt to hold her as close as he possibly could. It was as if his life had ended with hers. A part of him was now missing. She was the other half of him.

Darkness rises and light to meet it.

He knew what he had to do. 

And yet, he still couldn’t let go. 

He knew what he had to do but he didn’t know if he had the strength to do it. 

He continued to hold fast to her, wrapped up in his arms as the realization of what had to be done dawned on him. Could it even be done? There was no time for theory, there was only actions. If what he assumed was true; if what he felt deep in his bones was true, this moment was all he would ever have. Ben clutched her closer, if that was even possible. He wanted to memorize the feeling of having her in his arms for the first and the last time. It was all too much.  
Slowly, he pulled back from her and propped her back up in his arms. One arm cradled her neck, the other moved to rest on her torso. He closed his eyes. Ben felt her body beneath his hand and visualized his life passing into her. Her eyes were still eerily dim and void of life. He rolled his shoulders back and took a breath. Ben squeezed his eyes shut. 

This had to work.

He felt the Force around him. Inside of him, he felt the light.

It had always been there.

He concentrated every fiber of his being into channeling life and heart and soul into Rey. She had done it on the Death Star to heal him, surely it would work on this grand of a scale if he was worthy. 

He knew the cost. 

Deep down he knew.

Was it worth it to him?

It was.

Ben felt the life inside of him blossom; he channeled it into her ailing body, willing with everything inside him that he could finish what he started. He didn’t care what would happen to him, that didn’t matter. All that mattered was Rey.

The only thing that had ever mattered was Rey.

He knew that now.

He felt himself growing weak. So this was the cost? Deep down he knew the price. It was an equivalent exchange; his life for hers. If it failed, they both died. The energy surrounding them seemed to shift as Ben’s life seeped into Rey’s bones. The Force moved around them in a brilliant display that Ben felt rising deep inside of him. Healing was unfolding before his eyes, something he never knew he was capable of doing. He felt it deep in his soul. In the act of saving her he knew he would lose himself, but he didn’t care. She was warmth. He was cold. Her peace; him violence. He was death and decay that was feeding new life. Ben screwed his eyes shut and gave the rest of everything he had to her. 

Everything, everything.

Balance and energy. 

A Force.

And inside Rey, inside him, that same Force.

Rey stirred. 

The Force works in mysterious ways. 

Ben didn’t feel it. His hand was still pressed against her torso, intense focus written on his face. He didn’t know it yet, but a moment later he felt it; her hand coming to rest atop of his. He opened his eyes, his hands shaking, chest pounding, and heart hoping. And there she was, taking a breath, her fingers draped gently over his hand. Her hand was bloody and bruised and the best thing he’d ever held. Ben just stared at her. 

Rey stared back at him. 

She had finally taken his hand.

He’d done it. 

Rey started to raise herself up. Ben supported her back with his hand, helping her sit up in his arms. She hadn’t yet removed her hand from where it covered his on her torso. She wouldn’t. Relief flooded his body like milk and honey. Rey stared at him for a moment before breaking out into a grin. Now that was something special. Something inside of Ben simultaneously fell away and came together.   
He hadn’t been Kylo Ren for a long time, not really, maybe not ever. But seeing that- seeing Rey’s smile shook the very last piece loose. Something inside of him blossomed. He felt it radiate out from his chest. He was alive, she was alive, and she was smiling at him. 

Who knew they would make it this far?

“Ben,” She breathed out softly, the words caught on gasp for air. His name tumbled from her lips like a sigh of relief- an allowance to finally breathe easy. He couldn’t say anything. He just looked into her eyes; his were so haunted, her’s so bright. Ben’s heart was split in two. How was he worthy of this?

How was he worthy of her?

He wasn’t, he decided.

But he would never stop trying to be.

Strands of loose hair framed her face and they blew faintly in the last hint of a cool breeze coming in through the cracks of the now destroyed Sith colosseum. Ben gave her a small smile. The corner of Rey’s mouth turned upwards and she reached out to cup his cheek. His breath hitched in his throat; his heart hitched in his chest. She slid her hand onto his cheekbone, delicately, as if he would splinter into a thousand pieces under her touch. Her hands shook. She was sure of what she was doing, she felt it was right, but also, she had no idea what to do. Ben had brought her back from the dead, somehow, some way.   
Relief surged through her at the sight of him. All she wanted to do was stay in the peace of the moment forever, tucked safely in his embrace. His hand remained on her shoulder and it felt like the warm rays of Jakku were back on her skin, but not in a remorseful way. It was more like the comfort of a home she never really knew. Maybe he was her home all along. He was her Sun; her beautiful sting of nostalgia. It had always been so, and now she knew. 

Rey watched Ben’s face as his eyes filled to the brim with tears. Hers did in tandem. What kind of tears, she wasn’t quite sure. She still hadn’t broken eye contact with him. There was something she wanted to say, it was on the tip of her tongue. She tried to form words but nothing passed from between her lips. It was strange that after all this time; after all the fighting, after all the pain and hatred and heartbreak, here she was, wrapped in the arms of the man she’d seen in her dreams for a lifetime. It seemed like it was meant to be this way. Maybe the time spent fighting wasn’t wasted, but just a way of getting to the moment that mattered. The Force told her so, she felt it inside of her. This was always meant to be.   
All her life, Rey had been led to believe that she didn’t have a place in the story, but as it turned out, all along she had just been trying to fit into the wrong book. This was her story. Ben was her story. He was her family. She didn't need a name or a legacy or a special lightsaber, Ben was enough for her. This moment was a chapter; a chapter that belonged to her. The book belonged to her. The story belonged to her; to them. Her thumb grazed over the skin of his cheek, feeling for a scar that was no longer there.

A scar in both of them that was no longer there.

She stared at him for a moment longer, her eyes watery, wondering if what she was about to do was right.

It was.

Without warning and without fear, a feeling she had never felt before overtook her. She surged forward and gingerly but surely pressed her lips to his. Everything inside of them both suddenly had a harmony about it. Something; everything had been set right. To Ben, Rey was finally tangible, not just a dream far out of reach. To Rey, Ben was finally whole. He had come back home. 

Home to her. 

Ben smiled into her kiss and wrapped his arms around her. With one hand he clutched at her back, with the other, he cradled her neck holding her lips to his.  
Rey held fast to him, both hands held flush against his cheeks. She held onto the kiss for a long moment. He was the comfort of the Jakku sun, the lush forests of Tokanda, the crashing waves of Ahch-To, the lightning of Exegol, and the air she would kill to breathe. Leia had been right. 

The girl cared about Ben.

In that moment she had found her story at last. It wasn’t about the Resistance or the First Order. It wasn’t about the Palpatines or the Skywalkers. It wasn’t about the Jedi and the Sith. It wasn’t even about the Light and the Dark.

It was about the balance between it all. 

A Force.

One to be reckoned with. 

Slowly, she pulled her lips away. Parting was such sweet sorrow. Ben looked at her. She had found a home here, in him. This is where she was meant to be. They were two sides of the same coin. A coin that had been exchanged by so many that she wasn’t sure it was recognizable anymore as currency. It had been traded, spent, buried under the Jakku sands, and tucked away for safekeeping, and yet, it was still worth more than the whole damn bunch put together.   
Ben slowly ran his hand down her neck and came to rest on her back. He smiled at her, really smiled; a toothy grin that created dimples in his cheeks like he was learning how to smile for the first time. Rey reached down to clutch at his hand, and she smiled back until his faded slowly away. Fear filled his eyes and before Rey even knew what was happening she was tumbling to the ground on top of Ben. His hand was still grasped in hers when he took her down to the floor as he collapsed. A strangled cry hitched in Rey’s throat that was unable to come to fruition. 

“Be with me,” She rasped out. Calling out to anyone that would listen.

Ben looked at her, pain in his eyes for a brief second, watching another life pass before his eyes. 

“Be with me,” Her cry for help. No one answered.

Deep down he knew this was the price. At least he had had this long with her. In his dying moments he’d lived a life with her; a life that was good and made of light. One that he would take with him wherever he may go after his departure. 

To the In-Between.

“Be with me.”

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes when she realized what was happening.

Oh, how he would miss her.

Rey watched helplessly as he faded away before her eyes. She had blinked, and he was gone. Her hands and legs which were only seconds ago tangled in his, were now tied up in the clothes he’d left behind. They were suffocating her. The Force had reclaimed him right in front of her. What a cruel trick to play. It dawned on her that Ben had given up his life for her; the last of it. She shook her head slowly, unable to form a scream before the tears came. She sensed a darkness inside of her; a fracture in the Force. She felt selfish, like she wasn’t worth the sacrifice. After all, she was just a scavenger.   
She sat on the cold, stone floor, tears falling faster than her breath could keep up. She choked on a sob, a cry quickly becoming a grief-stricken wail. She collapsed onto the floor, clutching at herself. It was like she was being buried alive. It felt as if she had gone to sleep, but instead of waking up in her bed, she had awoken to find herself in a tomb that had already been sealed. No escape, just emptiness. She pounded on the door to her tomb. No one came. It was a slow wait for an inevitable death. The Force was unbalanced, unstable. She felt it rotting inside of her. There was an irreparable rift, like a part of her was missing, torn out.

Taken away.

The Force had been used up. Spent on the purchase of her.

Rey pounded her hand onto the stone in unbridled anger and grief until it bled and it broke. She cried out in pain. Her wrist throbbed but she ignored it and just kept slamming her fist into the solid stone in a desperate attempt to feel something, anything other than this. Her soul was in fragments. She laid there on the colosseum floor for a long time just sobbing. How dare she allow this. It was all her fault; this paradise, lost.   
This wound would infect deep in her, maybe incurably so, that she saw no reason to keep going. She turned over to look up at the sky. Her eyes were red rimmed and her body shook with every breath as she watched the last of the Final Order Star Destroyers collapse into flames. The light from the flames reflected in her eyes and she felt jealous of the crew on those ships. She wished she could disappear into death, so she tried. Before she closed her eyes she whispered a final plea to anyone who was possibly out there in the universe, listening. 

“Be with me.”


	2. Death Was Not One of Them

She must have passed out, because when she woke, she felt two pairs of strong hands around her body, helping her up. Her head was fuzzy, her vision blurred from tears. She heard voices, familiar ones as she was dragged to her feet. Pain wracked her entire body and the tears began again as the realization set in. She hadn’t died. Oh, how she’d wanted to. There were many things that the Force allowed, her death was not one of them no matter how desperately she reached for it.   
At the realization, she let the arms envelop her. She felt them there, her friends. She heard their distinct voices through her tears. Finn and Poe. She collapsed onto her knees and they went down with her. They both wrapped her in a hug so tight she thought she might break. She grabbed at them like they were a lifeline and she was drowning. 

She was.

Poe pulled away from the hug. He got up and retrieved her saber that had been tossed to the wayside. He felt its weight in his hands. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Rey held tightly onto the other man. Finn stroked her matted hair, whispering words into her ear.

“Everything will be okay in time.”

“No,” Poe heard her choke back. “This is different.” That was all she could muster up. Poe walked over to her, his face drawn into a thin smile, not sure how to react. 

“Rey,” he said. She looked up at him, her eyes stung and her face pale. He looked tired. He was. His dark hair was tousled from flight and his skin burned from fire. Poe extended her saber to her without saying a word. Rey gingerly reached out for it. She grasped the hilt, felt the weight in her hands, and fell from grace. Poe watched her face change in the dim light. Finn grabbed at her upper arm to keep her from collapsing back onto the floor. It failed. She looked like she had been to hell and back.

She had.

She kneeled on the cold earth of Exegol, the fabric of Ben’s tunic in one arm, her saber in the other. She just looked at them, not saying anything. She held the fabric in her hand, turning it over carefully. She held it to her chest and breathed a long, weighted sigh.

“Rey,” Finn whispered to her. He spoke gently as he kneeled down beside her, careful not to trigger something that might cause the last piece of her to break off. He put his hand on her shoulder. “Let’s go home.”


	3. The Art of Falling Out Of Step

It had been the better part of a week since Rey had returned from Exegol. She hadn’t done much in that time. She mostly spent her days in her quarters. She stayed in bed most of the time, wanting to sleep desperately but somehow not being able to. Grief and guilt and pain had overtaken her entire body. Day in and day out she just laid in her bed staring up at the ceiling. 

Sometimes she held her hand over her heart, chanting: “Be with me.”

Finn had heard it from the hall outside her room. Unknown to Rey, often Finn and Poe would take turns sitting outside of her room, listening to her and making sure she didn’t succumb to her grief. Often they sat together, hands intertwined. They didn’t know what it meant, just that they were there for her and it felt right. Often they discussed Ben and the strange relationship he had with their friend. They’d both seen it up close. Well, sort of.   
The two Force users were always fighting about something, something that wasn’t really there. Finn suspected that they were angry at each other because they didn’t know what else to do. Everyone had always told them they should be enemies, so they made themselves so. Poe asked lots of questions about the Force during the long nights outside Rey’s room; questions Finn couldn’t quite answer, questions he still had himself. All he knew was that he felt her pain in a way that was deeper than just empathy. She was an empty vessel.

Inside the room the only thing Rey could feel was the warmth of Ben’s tunic wrapped around her. From the moment she’d returned to the Resistance she had stripped off her white robes and put on his clothes. Rey breathed in the scent of him as she pulled Ben’s sweater over her head. It was far too big for her, tumbling down to her mid thigh. The sleeves were long and she couldn’t help but sweat under the covers in the warm material, but she didn’t mind. It reminded her of him. It reminded her of being close. The large scrap of tattered clothing was the only thing she had left of him- the shirt and the ghost of his hand on her midsection.   
Sometimes she thought she felt Ben there with her in the darkened room. Even sunlight hurt. She thought he was there in those moments when she felt warmer than normal, or when the air smelled differently, like fresh fallen snow. She chalked it up to sadness, but now she wasn’t so sure. She wanted him to still be there, in the Force somewhere, reaching out to her. She felt like she had fallen out of step with reality.

“Be with me.”

The days were short and the nights were long for Rey and the others. It had been a particularly draining day for Finn and he was barely awake when a woman walked past him in the hallway, hurried. She was on the shorter side with black hair pulled back into a slick bun. She mumbled something to herself as she walked past him. 

She was in a world all her own, as she often was. Rose Tico had spent almost all her time since Canto Bight sifting through old Republic books, learning about the past. All she wanted was to help.One day she knew she would lead. In the past months she’d buried herself further into looking at First Order and old Empire schematics than she wanted to admit. She was lost in thought and walking so quickly to her room to write something down that she almost missed the man sitting with his head leaned back against the wall, eyes closed. Rose stopped in the hallway for a moment, curious. She had barely spoken to Finn or Poe since they returned that night with Rey in their arms. The woman had looked on the verge of death. Come to think of it, not only had she not seen Finn or Poe, but she hadn’t seen Rey at all.   
Rose knew the women in passing, but not enough to know what had happened. Finn had told her snippets in passing but not enough to form a profile. Rose was curious about her. She knew that Rey had lost someone important. They all had. Poe lost Leia, Finn lost Poe due to the loss of Leia, and Rey due to the loss of Ben. Rose had lost Finn due to the loss of Poe and Rey and Paige. The entire Resistance ached. Everyone grieved in different ways. Rose knew a thing or two about that. Maybe that was what they needed.   
Rose clung to the notion that they would win not by fighting what they hated but by saving what they loved. Finn loved Rey, they all did. Rose loved her by extension. She felt for the young woman. Every time she walked by her room she considered going in and just talking, but she was afraid she didn’t know Rey well enough. She was afraid she would say the wrong thing and send Rey into a spiral. But the Resistance was about doing things in spite of fear to save the people you care about. Today was the day she lived by that.

“Finn.” She said. He startled. He’d been about to fall into something resembling sleep before she spoke. “How is she?” Finn just shrugged at the woman. 

“I don’t know. I don’t feel right asking.”

“Mind if I do?” 

Finn waved towards the door with a yawn. “Be my guest, but tread lightly.”

“What?”

Finn looked up at Rose. “It’s bad. You have no idea what she’s been through.” 

Rose shot a brief scowl at Finn, “Perhaps you’ve forgotten when we met I was grieving the loss of the person I loved most in the world that was taken from me.” Her voice was harsh and commanding. She was sure of herself. “I think I know the feeling.” And with that Rose broke eye contact with Finn and closed her hand around the knob to Rey’s door.   
The metal was cold on her hand and the door creaked open louder than she would have liked. Rey didn’t stir. She closed the door behind her and walked slowly towards Rey’s bedside. The room was dark except for the thin streaks of light that shone through cracks in the hastily assembled wood walls.

Rey was clutching at herself. Arms wrapped tightly around her midsection. Rose watched as Rey’s chest rose and fell rhythmically with her breaths. The girl was hurting, she could tell. Her body was smothered in a shirt that wasn’t hers. It had rips and tears and a burn hole the width of a lightsaber near the stomach, but that didn’t stop Rey from holding onto it like a lifeline. Rose took a gamble and sat down on the bed. It creaked a bit, but not enough to wake Rey. She stroked the woman’s hair with a gentle hand. Rey whimpered the slightest bit, but not enough to shake her from the nightmare she was having. It scratched her from sleep.


	4. Dreams of Exegol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the nightmare that Rey constantly has of Exegol.

She was there again, on Exegol. Ben was there too. Everything was pitch dark, she could barely see in front of her face. She had to hold up her lightsaber to see anything more than a few feet away. The Emperor was there. Her grandfather. She heard his voice call out to her. “Rey,” He said. She tried to run away, but always looped back around to where she started in front of the throne. He always commanded Rey to kill Ben. Always. She always tried so hard not to, but every time, Palpatine forced her hand, right into his chest.  
She screamed but no sound came out. She was breathless and choking at the same time. Time and time again she lost control of her body and had to watch as the Emperor took control of her and made her strike him down in anger that she didn’t have. She always tried to resist, but everytime she did so, her efforts became more futile. Over and over again she plunged the saber into his chest without any means to stop herself. She often woke up crying.


	5. Comfort

Rose could tell Rey was having a nightmare and she whispered soft words of encouragement into the woman’s ear, all while continuing to brush her hair out of her face. It seemed almost too intimate considering their non-relationship, but that’s what everything was about. Discomfort. “Rey, you’re safe.” She whispered. “You can get through this. Try to realize that this isn’t real.”  
Rose tried this approach several more times before realizing that it wasn’t working. Rey was still whimpering to herself when Rose finally gave into temptation. She grabbed her by the shoulder, rolling her over so she was flat on her back and shook her awake. Rey sat up with a panicked start. Tears cascaded down her face, her heart beating so loud that Rose could feel it through her skin where she was still holding onto Rey’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Rose started. “I-”

“It’s okay,” Rey said back softly. “Thank you.” Rose just gave her a small smile. She held Rey’s gaze for an awkward moment before letting go of her shoulders. 

“Sorry, I just- uh-” She clumsily stood up to leave while trying to make the situation less painfully awkward for Rey. “Finn said you were having a rough time and I just wanted to check in. I lost someone recently too and I just wanted you to know that I understand.”

Rey looked up at Rose, her eyes full of questions. “Tell me.” Her voice was hoarse from screams and her forehead broke out in sweat but she was genuine. Rose stopped and turned back around to face Rey. Rey propped herself up against the wall, wrapping herself up again in her arms. She caressed the fabric of Ben’s shirt and tried not to cry. Rose sat down in front of her on the small bed, one leg tucked under the other. 

“My sister,” Rose said. Her face fell. “Paige. She was a bomber for the Resistance. About a year ago, right after you left to find Luke, Poe led a bomber run on a Dreadnought. He wasn’t supposed to. He ignored direct orders from General Organa.” The name hit Rey square in the chest. She tried to swallow a sob. “The plan was simple- all anyone was supposed to do was stall the First Order for long enough that we could get off of the planet and jump to lightspeed. That’s not what happened.”


	6. For Paige Tico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose tells Rey the story of the day of the Dreadnought bombing run.

“General, this is Black Leader.” Poe said. “I’ve cleared out the surface cannons.” 

“Great Poe, now bring everyone back so we can get out of here.” 

“General, we have the chance to take out a Dreadnought.”

“Stand down, Commander. That’s an order.”

Poe shut off his comms. He ordered the bombing run. It was successful, but at what cost? The Dreadnought went down in burning flame, but so did half the Resistance, Paige included. Rose remembered when she was approached about the mission. A Black Squad Pilot had come to her to break the news. Rose’s face fell. Her chest felt heavy and empty at the same time. There was no way. It couldn’t be. 

She was gone.

Paige had been everything to Rose. Her sister, her best friend, her other half. Part of herself was stolen from her that day, never to be replaced. It hurt for a long time. Rose remembered those days on her home world. She had grown up in a poor mining system, but even though their situation was dire, no parents, no friends, they had each other, always. One day out of pure luck, The Resistance showed up. Rose and Paige joined up without a second thought. It cost the world.  
Paige was a part of her. More Rose than she was. She felt nothing for days. She wanted to give up, but that's not what Paige would have wanted for her. Rose realized she had to continue the fight in her honor. Just as she was thinking about running away, she ran straight into Finn. Eventually the pain subsided, but it never fully went away. Maybe it’s not about making the pain go away, but about learning to carry on despite it. Rose poured all of her heart and soul into the Resistance after that. From Canto Bight to Crait, she carried on in Paige’s honor. All for her.


	7. Things Can Change In An Instant

“My world changed in an instant,” Rose said. “But I learned to keep going. I like to believe that no one is ever really gone. I feel Paige every day in the little things. I see her in binary sunsets and snowflakes and strokes of luck.” Rose smiled at Rey. “I see her in every piece of the Resistance.”

Rey’s chest tightened. Oh how she wished she could be like Rose. Strong despite the loss. But this was a wound that had infected in her so deep she wasn’t sure she would ever heal. “I wish I could do that. But this is all my fault. I did this.” She paused. 

“Rey,” Rose said. She reassuringly reached for Rey’s hand. It was thin and bruised, but still a hand to hold. Rey looked down at their hands together and began to cry. Everything reminded her of him. “I know you don’t want to hear it and I know you don’t want to believe it, but this is not your fault.” Rey looked at her. “We all rise and we all fall.” It’s our human nature, but you are a good person, and are not responsible for the life of anyone but yourself. Whenever Paige first died, I felt the same way. I thought it was my fault for convincing her to join the Resistance. Everything I had ever done had led to her death. It was my fault.”   
Rose searched the woman’s face for any sign that she was taking what she said to heart. “Then one day I realized that I couldn’t control other people’s willingness to sacrifice themselves.” How much did Rose know? Rey wondered. She dared not ask, she just sat and listened. “I had to accept that the person loved me enough to give up everything.” Tears tumbled freely down Rey’s face now, she couldn’t help it. Maybe he had loved her enough to give up everything else. 

No, of course he’d loved her enough. 

He always had. 

She just hadn’t realized it in time. It broke her heart.

It would always break her heart.

“I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone,” Rose continued. There was that phrase again, “You’re not alone.” That carried a weight with her Rose would never understand. Rey remembered that night on Ahch-To like it was yesterday. Her outstretched hand, reaching out for him across galaxies, begging Ben to come home. He had taken it. At the very end, she had taken his hand too, just like he said she would. He had gone home. Given his home to her. 

Maybe Rey felt alone, but she wasn’t alone.

For now that would have to be enough.


	8. Healing

In the weeks since Exegol, Rey had slowly started to feel more like herself. She was healing; physically and mentally. It started with getting out of bed to stare through the cracks in the wall at the lush greenery of Ajan Kloss, then to regular trips to the fresher to feel the water on her back, and three meals a day. Eventually, it grew into having conversations with friends and picking her lightsaber back up. She wasn’t the same, maybe she never would be. She didn’t really want to be. How could she be the same? It didn’t make any sense. Every waking moment she remembered Ben Solo. She saw life in a new light. Not in one of sadness or pain, but one of sacrifice and love. Rose was right. 

She saw him in everything. 

The Force just made everything more clear to her. Every day she headed Leia’s words:

“No one’s ever really gone.”

It kept her going. He lived on inside of her in her memory. Every time anyone asked she was never hesitant to remind anyone and everyone that Ben was a good man. She was reminded of him in passing moments. 

Like when the sun came up through green leaves and the wind blew her dark hair gently around her face.

Or when the rain poured and thunder crashed against the surface of the planet and the stars tumbled upwards from her.

When she turned her lightsaber over in her hand and felt the warm heat on her face.

Or when she let silence wash over her and chose not to be intimidated.

Or whenever a word she said sounded different than the way it normally did.

When she had strokes of luck.

Or when she looked at the sky and couldn’t tell the difference between where the orange stopped and the violet started. Where the clouds looked like sleeping gods.

She felt him on the days when she felt she was drifting away. When the dream of what she’d always wanted for them was interrupted by the destruction of whatever seemed easiest. The Force surrounded her always, for the rest of her life it would. The Force was eternal. 

They were eternal.

They would not last. 

Rey was never truly alone.She always had the Force. She always had Ben.

Some things are eternal.

In those weeks Rey had become new. She decided her story wouldn’t end with Exegol. It had started with Exegol; with Ben. His end was her beginning. She knew that now. She had a place in the story, she always had. Was her story happy? She wasn’t quite sure. 

Most stories are happy if you end them at the right time.

No.

Most stories are happy if you wait long enough. 

Yes, that was it.

“Be with me.”

Rey waited. And she would spend the rest of her life waiting for him. To rejoin him in the Force. one day. But until that day she would press on. She’d do amazing things. Raise up worlds, tear down regimes, bring tyrants to their knees, restore peace to galaxies far and wide. She would become the balance in any way she could. She would do all of that because he gave himself up for her. She would do all these things and more in the search for the other part of her soul. She was going to find Ben again. That was how they won. 

Not by fighting what they hated, but by saving what they loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I hope it brought you some closure as it did me. Feel free to find me on twitter @reysagents


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